Dr Susie Muir: Doctors who give everything to their job have nothing left for their families

Every day in healthcare, I watch brilliant people run on empty.

They are amazing healthcare professionals who give everything to their work and then wonder why there is not enough left in the tank for the people they love.

Over time, I watch many of them become overwhelmed, exhausted and disconnected from the life they were trying so hard to build.

Somewhere along the way, exhaustion became normal in healthcare — almost expected.

But after 20 years as a doctor, and eight years working in palliative care, I have become deeply convinced that this is not the way we were meant to live, or work.

Over the years, I have had thousands of conversations with people in their last days, weeks and months of life, supporting them to explore what is truly important to them before they die.

Unsurprisingly, knowing with certainty that life is short brings a sense of clarity and purpose to most people, and to some a number of regrets.

I have listened to countless reflections from people who are dying, and pretty much all of them relate to people and moments — moments captured, moments missed.

Relationships they treasured and relationships they wish they had invested more in.

Things they thought would matter more than they ultimately did.

For me, this insight is a gift.

I am reminded almost every day of my own mortality, and this has helped me crystallise my priorities. I have made peace with the fact that I cannot do all the things all the time, and I feel comfortable putting the less important things aside.

I must admit I have not always found this approach easy.

On many occasions, I have been sucked into the approach of trying to squeeze in too much and been left feeling like I am running on fumes.

It has taken me years to develop my own red flag system, and it is one I now listen to intently.

When it triggers, I immediately look at what I can shift out of my diary, recognising the danger of being overwhelmed and knowing that no efficiency or productivity app in the world is going to fix it.

It was through coaching and professional supervision — sometimes referred to as reflective practice — that I was able to identify my flags and develop my response to them.

These practices are essential in helping to quieten the noise, to identify the things within my control and the things outside it, and they continue to help me understand my values and my strengths, what drives me versus what drains me.

For so many people, though, this world has become overwhelmingly busy. Busy at work, busy in life, busy in the moments in between.

Life whistles by like a train passing through a station, and most of us talk as though we are simply passengers.

For all of us working in healthcare, it can feel like the noise is everywhere, literally and figuratively, and that the chaos is on steroids.

Busy is normal and exhaustion is deemed a badge of honour. For decades, the narrative has been: if you’re not exhausted, you’re not working hard enough.

It’s time to change.

Healthcare professionals are human, no more and no less than anyone else. They need connection and collaboration, rest and recovery.

They deserve to have energy left at the end of the day to invest in loved ones and in life. They do not deserve to be broken by their career.

I am quite certain, and deeply concerned, that many of the doctors and other healthcare professionals I work with will have regrets when they reach the end of their own lives.

I see them giving everything to their job and having nothing left for themselves or their families.

I see them burning out in roles they once loved because, over time, they learned to continually place themselves last. I see them missing the important moments, and I see the guilt that usually follows.

Or worse, I see them falsely re-categorising those moments into ones that didn’t really matter in the first place.

We get one life. It is happening right now, and it is fragile, precious and totally unique. We cannot push pause. We cannot go back. It is so important to take a moment to look around, to reflect and to recalibrate if needed.

I think it is this recalibration that has taken my career on a very winding path: first, in emergency medicine as a doctor in training, then on to general practice, and finally (?) further specialist training in palliative care.

I had no idea what the end point was, and to be honest, I still don’t know if I have reached it.

My guiding principle has been to follow what is interesting, what grabs my attention, what gives more energy than it takes.

Of course, there have been times in my career when I have not enjoyed my job and even felt like I hated it.

During those times, I worked even harder to find the meaning and the purpose in what I was doing. More often than not, it has been the connection with the humans around me — either the team or the patients — that has got me through.

So, this article is for any doctor or healthcare professional who wants to embrace being human first, always.

It is about celebrating our humanity, focusing on connection with ourselves and with others, recognising our own value, and ensuring that we are building a legacy to be proud of — at work, at home, and in life.

Dr Susie Muir is a palliative care specialist who lives on the Sunshine Coast. She is also a professional coach for healthcare professionals.

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